There are many idioms in the English language that can cause confusion for non-native speakers, and one of those is the expression ‘beside oneself.’ At first glance, this phrase may sound like someone is physically standing next to themselves, which doesn’t make literal sense. However, when used in everyday conversation or writing, it carries a deeply emotional or mental implication. Understanding the meaning of ‘beside oneself’ helps clarify the tone, mood, and intent behind its usage in different contexts. This expression is particularly useful in conveying strong feelings in a concise and effective way.
Understanding the Idiom Beside Oneself
Literal vs Figurative Meaning
Literally speaking, it is impossible to be physically beside oneself. The phrase is entirely metaphorical. When someone says they are ‘beside themselves,’ they are usually referring to being overwhelmed by an emotion to the point that it feels like they are out of their own body or mind. This emotional overload can lead to reactions or behavior that are not typical for that person.
Emotional Intensity
The phrase often expresses feelings of:
- Extreme anger – e.g., ‘She was beside herself with rage.’
- Intense grief – e.g., ‘He was beside himself with sorrow after the loss.’
- Wild excitement – e.g., ‘The children were beside themselves with joy.’
- Profound anxiety – e.g., ‘I was beside myself with worry when I couldn’t reach him.’
In all these examples, ‘beside oneself’ is used to highlight that the emotion being experienced is so powerful that it temporarily takes control of the person’s ability to remain calm, rational, or composed.
Origins and Historical Usage
Etymological Background
The origin of the phrase dates back to Middle English and even earlier. The idea of being ‘beside oneself’ goes as far back as Ancient Greek and Latin. In classical literature, people who were overtaken by divine inspiration, madness, or grief were often described as being outside of themselves, which symbolized a departure from normal consciousness or self-control.
Early English Usage
One of the earliest known appearances of the phrase in English literature is in the 14th century. It was commonly used in religious and poetic texts to describe states of rapture, spiritual ecstasy, or madness. Over time, the idiom shifted into more everyday use to describe strong emotional states.
Common Situations Where It’s Used
When Someone Is Extremely Upset
If a person receives terrible news or witnesses a shocking event, others might say, He was beside himself with grief. This communicates the depth of emotional turmoil the person is experiencing without needing lengthy explanations.
When Someone Is Wildly Happy
Though less common, the idiom can also be used to express extreme joy. For example, She was beside herself with happiness when she got accepted into her dream university.
When Someone Loses Control
This phrase is particularly effective in describing scenarios where someone becomes so emotionally charged that they lose composure, such as a person shouting or crying uncontrollably.
Synonyms and Related Expressions
Similar Idioms
There are several expressions in English that carry a similar meaning:
- Out of one’s mind – usually implies confusion or madness.
- Losing it – a casual phrase often used when someone becomes overwhelmed by emotion.
- In a frenzy – describes a state of wild excitement or agitation.
- Driven to distraction – implies intense anxiety or concern.
Nuanced Differences
Although these expressions are similar, ‘beside oneself’ specifically refers to emotional intensity, often involuntary, and generally seen as temporary. It suggests that a person is figuratively separated from their usual sense of self due to emotional overload.
Modern Use in Digital Communication
Text Messages and Social Media
Today, you may find the phrase ‘beside myself’ used in text messages or on social media platforms. For example, a tweet might read: Just saw the concert lineup I’m beside myself with excitement! In informal text or chats, people may shorten it or use emojis to express the same intensity, but the idiom still holds relevance in emphasizing emotion.
Usage in News and Media
Journalists and authors often use ‘beside oneself’ to quickly convey the emotional state of someone in a story. Whether it’s a report about a natural disaster, a political event, or a personal triumph, the phrase adds emotional weight to the narrative.
Grammatical Usage
Correct Sentence Structure
The phrase typically follows this structure:
- [Subject] + [to be verb] + beside + [reflexive pronoun] + [with + emotion]
Examples:
- She was beside herself with anger.
- I am beside myself with worry.
Note that the reflexive pronoun must match the subject (e.g., ‘himself,’ ‘herself,’ ‘myself’). It is not grammatically correct to say ‘beside themself’ in standard English, although it may appear in informal contexts involving nonbinary pronouns.
Why the Phrase Is Important to Know
Clarity in Emotional Expression
Learning idioms like ‘beside oneself’ helps people describe emotional intensity clearly and vividly. Instead of saying, ‘She was really, really mad,’ saying ‘She was beside herself with rage’ adds depth and emotion.
Understanding Context in Literature and Media
Because this phrase appears frequently in books, movies, and topics, understanding its meaning improves comprehension. Recognizing when a character is ‘beside themselves’ offers insights into their mental state and motivations.
The idiom ‘beside oneself’ is a powerful phrase used to express overwhelming emotion, whether it be joy, sorrow, anger, or anxiety. Its rich historical roots and continued presence in modern speech make it a valuable part of the English language. Understanding its meaning and appropriate usage helps enrich communication, particularly when describing intense emotional experiences. Whether you’re reading literature, watching a film, or having a conversation, knowing what it means to be beside oneself will deepen your grasp of human expression and make your own speech more expressive and precise.